Do fish get cramps after eating?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

It's bad manners to say " i love you"With a mouth full of lies.

I was about to run, possibly fight, definitely scream...

Eternity: the length of a life.

I like comedy, not violence, but violence is making a lot of money. But comedy is what I like.

I believe it is the responsibility and duty of those in high-profile positions to give a voice to people whose voices cannot be heard.

I don't miss my pin-up days. I'm far too old for that malarkey.

I enjoy the friendship and companionship of others

I wondered if i would spend the rest of my life inventing complicated ways to depress myself.

Anybody who helps the poor is delighted.

Nine years of experience is very different from one year of experience, nine times.