Do good things for other people.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Look not mournfully into the past, it comes not back again. Wisely improve the present, it is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future without fear and with a manly heart.

Society demands not conformity, but the appearance of conformity. That's the reason for hypocrisy.

My eyes open after my mind. All eyes always do.

The art of acting is not to act. Once you show them more, what you show them, in fact is bad acting.

It is a free market that makes monopolies impossible.

The supreme purpose of history is a better world.

All knowledge attains its ethical value and its human significance only by the human sense with which it is employed. Only a good man can be a great physician.

You are not your emotions,you have emotions,and you can master them.

A saint is a sinner who never gave up.

Good writing is a kind of skating which carries off the performer where he would not go.