Do not ask God the way to heaven; He will show you the hardest way.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

The eagle may soar; beavers build dams.

The US has not imposed democracy in Yemen, its people have.

The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth.

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

The government is shutting down the coal industry, they say it's cheaper to draw nuclear power off the French grid and cheaper to buy coal from Colombia.

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

We should all live as though someone is writing a book about us.

The best gift you can give to someone is spending time with them. The worst thing you can do someone is to avoid them when they badly need you.

Every truth passes through three stages before it is recognized. In the first it is ridiculed in the second it is opposed in the third it is regarded as self-evident.

He'll get tired of chasing someone who doesn't chase back!

You are not an extra in somebody else's film. You are the star in your own life.

Today, America has become one of the most powerful forces for good on earth. We must keep it so.

Average people look for ways of getting away with it; successful people look for ways of getting on with it.

Part of the fun of being alive is knowing that you're annoying the hell out of someone else.

The last time I'd seen the Minotaur, he'd been wearing nothing but his tighty whities. I don't know why. Maybe he'd been shaken out of bed to chase me.