Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

How much you can love others without expectations will define who you are.

There are worst things in life than kissing boys.

The many become one and are increased by one.

Learning is not child's play; we cannot learn without pain.

In business, poor performance leads to bankruptcy or, at a minimum, a restructuring of the company. In American education, failure entitles the bankrupt system to even more taxpayer dollars.

I wanted to be a truck driver. I love driving long distances!!!

Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar

The more qi-full you are, the more cheerful you are.

If you leave you leaving the best, so you would have to settle for less.

Ich kann nicht mehr (I can do no more).