Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

But nothing in India is identifiable, the mere asking of a question causes it to disappear and merge into something else.

7. 3. 12. 31. 208: Reckless disrespect of the lightless hours will not be tolerated.

Everyone in your life is in your life for a reason, it's finding those reasons that make life beautiful.

As the sun lowered into the city's skyline, casting an orange glow over the islands, Jana could feel people's hopes rising.

...it is easy not to believe in monsters, considerably more difficult to escape their dread and loathsome clutches.

Trains are wonderful.... To travel by train is to see nature and human beings, towns and churches and rivers, in fact, to see life.

I once ate McDonald's three times in one day.

Your job is to meet the right people and read the right books.

I've found in life the more you practice, the better you get. If you want something enough and work hard to get it, your chances of success are greater.

My work is my work. I take my work seriously but I don't take myself too seriously.