Do you ever just want to take your car out onto the highway and gun the engine as fast as you can and then close your eyes and see what happens?

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

So bloody massacre, so nasty, so brutal he just starts to eat alive people flesh.

Always be a little kinder than necessary.

The greatest books in Russian literature are satires. Gogol's Dead Souls, for example, is a very over-the-top satire about life in Russia. I think it's the thing we do best.

Actually, when I was very young, first starting to play, I think I probably listened more to clarinet players than to saxophones.

Now that we have a democracy and you can go back and the airport air is not laden with evil any more, you can actually breathe oxygen when you land in Johannesburg.

If you are lucky and reverent, and hush for a moment the doubts in your head, sometimes God will whisper in your ear.

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

Rugby is a game for the mentally deficient... That is why it was invented by the British. Who else but an Englishman could invent an oval ball?

A lover's soul lives in the body of his mistress.

Beauty products always cheer me up and give me hope. If it makes you feel pretty, why not?