Do you guys like impressions? "Why?" That was Socrates.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

Don't leave it all unsaid, somewhere in the wasteland of your head.

Read and Re-Read--"Re-reading, we always find a new book.

..that sanguine expectation of happiness which is happiness itself

it takes a lot of rehearsal to become yourself.

If you never feel like giving up, then your dreams are too small

We wanted to do a woman on a reality show because that's what's happening right now-it's part of our culture.

Drugs is like getting up and having a cup of tea in the morning.

Now - find God's dream for your life and go all out for it!

You have to chip away at it and shape it to let the winning idea emerge.

It's really easy to fall for someone on-set, but in the end you know, it's a representative and it's not really them.