Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Impossible things are really rough to do, you know.

Scared and sacred are spelled with the same letters. Awful proceeds from the same root word as awesome. Terrify and terrific. Every negative experience holds the seed of transformation.

Maybe a relationship is just two idiots who don’t know a damn thing except the fact that they’re willing to figure it out together.

Relationships based on deals between leaders or ruling elites tend to collapse amid popular anger.

Enlightenment means waking up to what you truly are and then being that.

[John Howard] led the Government. They had the numbers, and just basically automatically went along with the Americans.

It is a common law of nature, which no time will ever change, that superiors shall rule their inferiors.

...it is not necessary to the child to awaken to the sense of the strange and humorous by giving a man a luminous nose...to the child it is sufficiently strange and humorous to have a nose at all.

I've always been introverted and so from a very young age I would play different scenarios in my head and let my imagination run free.

Lawyers are predators in grey worsted