Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

What am I grateful for? Aside from my own great life, you mean? I'm just grateful that my wife, and daughter, and dogs are all healthy.

If you tell a lie that's big enough, and you tell it often enough, people will believe you're telling the truth, even if what you're saying is total crap.

The truth will set you free...unless you want to know the truth about who killed JFK.

Anybody who thinks there's not a vast right-wing conspiracy in this country must also think that Ken Starr should be our next ambassador to Luxembourg.

I've known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny!

It's this patronizing thing that people have about if you're against the war everyone's lumped together. You know, the soldiers are not scholars, they're not war experts.

Civil liberties, good. Lawyers, bad.

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.

...when dogma enters the brain, all intellectual activity ceases.

He who challenges the God in his dying bed is indisputably the most courageous man, but not the cleverest one!

Anyway, the sort of love that will not wait is probably best to pass by

Honestly, I get energized by the crowds. They feed me emotionally.

People always try to find base motives behind every good action. We are afraid of pure goodness and of pure evil.

What are the libraries of science but files of newspapers?

It is possible in this world to be pretty and funny and successful all at the same time.

War - after all, what is it that the people get? Why-widows, taxes, wooden legs and debt.

The true artist and the sane collector never will tolerate insincerity and impudence.