Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

It is ill-manners to silence a fool and cruelty to let him go on

One lie does not cost you one truth, but the truth.

Because they have so little, children must rely on imagination rather than experience.

Gratitude is one of the chief graces of human existence and is crowned in heaven with a consciousness of unity.

But I was waiting for some magical moment, that would prove to me, forever would be fine. Meanwhile, my first love was standing first in line.

That's the reason they're called lessons, because they lesson from day to day.

It's so easy to look around and notice what's wrong. It takes practice to see what's right.

Most people who sneer at technology would starve to death if the engineering infrastructure were removed.

I wrote a novel about the combat experiences I didn't have in Vietnam.

Once (Stan) Musial timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy.