Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

The greatest feeling is the fulfillment of dreams.

I will stand up and speak in my own voice and no man will ever silence me again.

If I was your mirror, you would look for me more, than you do me.

You can pretend to be serious but you can't pretend to be witty.

Everybody underestimates the kick to the groin.

For me, drama is conflict.

Illusion is an anodyne, bred by the gap between wish and reality.

I believe in workers rights when people are doing a good job. If somebody needs support I am always there, but if they're taking the piss, I am hard on them.

If you think the country is a bastion only of nasty tendencies and racism and oppression, that is anti-American.

Infidels in all ages have battled for the rights of man, and have at all times been the fearless advocates of liberty and justice.