Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Human history is a Gaian dream.

I think writers, by nature, are more observers instead of participators.

I've never asked you to give the least considerations to my feelings." He could picture her holding the word with fingertips at arm's length, like a scullery maid disposing of a dead rat.

I can understand why a single parent, working two jobs, would find it easier to stop at McDonald's with the kids rather than cook something from scratch at home.

I'm so extremely well prepared for negative response, I've taken precautions.

My job is to be some sort of music/lyric psychic, to figure out that that's the right song to not fight the lyric.

The reason that you dance and sing is to make the audience feel like they're dancing and singing. As long as you're having fun with it and giving it 100 percent, they're gonna feel that.

The existing system will be quickest and most radically overthrown by the annihilation of its exponents. Therefore, massacres of the enemies of the people must be set in motion.

I, the lone inhabitant of my body and life, am inescapably large to myself, but also ridiculously, inconceivably small.

O Judgment ! Thou art fled to brutish beasts, and men have lost their reason !