Do you remember the time, Mike, ” Jeremy laughed, “that you put a banana down your pants and walked up to the Palma-nator. It looked like you had one hell of a hard-on.

As I drove out the wrought iron gates I had entered, I noticed for the first time how intricate and beautiful they were. They were forged by hand so many years ago and had stood the test of time.

The sight washed over me like a damn wave that you never see coming until it’s too late and you’re face down eating sand.

The pimple is perfect.

You deserve good sperm. You’ve waited a long time.

It is at the edge of intelligence that wisdom awaits.

Emotion is not what makes us weak. It's what makes us human, The ability to care, even if people often do not.

A father is a reality-concealing machine, a machine for dishing up lies to kids, and that isn't even the worst of it: secretly he believes that he represents reality.

We feel and know that we are eternal.

Don't piss in my ear and tell me it's raining.

Society is like the air, necessary to breathe but insufficient to live on.

I am not a storyteller . . . not like the others. I only have one tale to tell.

We call my son's role in the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy Sean's little independent movie.

I've tried to do everything possible to prepare myself and prepare our football team to be great.

When I feel hurt, I fully experience my emotions (and don't make them anyone else's problem!). Then I question my thoughts, examining my belief system and meeting the reality of life.