Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

A lot of people say, 'Well, I like a challenge. 'I don't like challenges. Life is tough enough without any challenges.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.

Don’t dedicate all your resources to helping others invest in their calling. Rather, invest in yourself as well

The 'thin blue line' is nothing more than the no snitching policy found in any other criminal gang.

Who but my mother held those small pieces of my childhood? Where would they go when she was gone?

I'd cut up my heart for you to wear if you wanted it.

Jealousy is like wood ants, it will nibble away, until there's nothing left.

Rarely do you walk down the street doing anything that my grandparent's generation did. And half of that comes with the technology advances.

I'm always doing poems from a place of not-knowing, a place of ignorance in a way.

Haste is productive of injury, and so is too much hesitation. He is the wisest man who does everything at the proper time.

The number of people in public life who appear on television or on the big screen who are content to be who they are, you can probably count on one hand.

The best preparation for work is not thinking about work, talking about work, or studying for work: it is work.