Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite as much after death.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Let the ruling classes tremble at a Communistic revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win.Workingmen of all countries unite!

Nothing perhaps is strange once you have accepted life itself the great strange business which includes all lesser strangeness.

People expect black women to be angry, irrationally so, without reason. They think we are animals and we go around like the Wild Things.

Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.

Putting your hand into a river, you simultaneously touch the last of what is passing and the first of what is coming.

You can't help hearing things that are popular when you're young and impressionable.

Don't give up. Listen to others, but follow your own council.

Don't aim for success if you want it, just do what you love and believe in, Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier and it will come naturally.

Everyone thinks politics will just go on the way it is. I don't agree.

If someone is unpleasant to you, draw a halo around his or her head in your mind. He/she is an angel who came to teach you something.