Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

I laugh with them because it is one of the worst things to be in a room full of people and not laughting when everybody else is.

To avoid an occasion for our virtues is a worse degree of failure than to push forward pluckily and fall.

I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

Writing and performing should deepen the meaning of words, should illuminate, transfix and transform.

I was just walking around like a zombie..I really had no idea what I was doing.. But the best thing that I did do was leave and get the hell out of there. I have no regrets.

I was a little bit chubby when I was a kid.

Whether man is disposed to yield to nature or to oppose her, he cannot do without a correct understanding of her language

Water is the mirror that has the ability to show us what we cannot see.

Never let an old person live in your body.

False notes [on the piano] are human. Why does everything have to be perfect? You know, perfection itself is imperfection.