Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

I've got a Siamese cat. It has 2 heads and 18 lives.

That I was sleeping at a time when my husband was dying is so horrible a thought, I can’t confront it.

You I am sure will forgive me for sincerely remarking that you might curb your magnanimity and be more of an artist, and 'load every rift' of your subject with ore.

Just so you know, I'm a really boring interview. I hate doing them.

My head looks like an uncooked ham with glasses.

No matter what happens, it’s always now.

What we think about God-what we think God is like-will determine the relationship we have with God.

Television is basically teaching whether you want it to or not.

I, Anita Blake, scourge of the undead-the human with more vampire kills than any other vampire executioner in the country-was dating a vampire. It was poetically ironic.

Once the automobile appeared you could have predicted that it would destroy as many people as it did.