Don't be cynical; it leads nowhere. If you work hard, and are kind, amazing things will happen to you.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Dragons have been known to have staring contests with mountains. They usually win.

Part of living in a free society is accepting that no idea is beyond being challenged or ridiculed, and that nothing is more stifling to free expression than being afraid to upset or offend.

They haven't eliminated religion from the public school. They have eliminated Christianity and have replaced it with an anti-God religion—humanism.

A man finds he has been wrong at every stage of his career only to deduce the astonishing conclusion that he is at last entirely right.

The shorter the chain between raw food and fork, the fresher it is and the more transparent the system is.

I am just a person who can't skate in the mountains

But I killed you,” Alyss said. “Did you?” Red turned to The Cat. “Why wasn’t I informed?

Once your reputation's done/ You can live a life of fun

What comes after the revolution is inevitably bureaucracy. Whoever wins the revolution builds a bureaucracy

You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.