Don't be taken in by the guff that critics are killing the theater. Commonly they sin on the side of enthusiasm. Too often they give their blessing to trash.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

The Victorians lost a few workers in everything they built, rather like a votive offering.

Easy and difficult things are juat small parts of life, the rest are what have to be done.

My calm is like the tides: never at rest.

Your art kind of changes as you get older, by nature of the fact that you're hopefully gaining wisdom and you're starting to watch things with a better overview.

Actors come up and just blatantly hit on my wife in front of me and don't even look at me.

I always try to do something very different with each character because that's why I like to do this, because I can become someone else completely and it's fun.

God, keep me from what they call 'households,'

Inequality promotes progress.

Every love song I write is for Linda.

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries.