Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Don't sell the warmer for an air conditioner just because its summer, for in winter, you will have to do the reverse.

i heard from many tht whom u love show them wht u're they 'll love u more but whn i did it my love left me alone in dark nd cold .

Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year - and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade!

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

It's dangerous talking about yourself too much because you find yourself talking in sound bites.

On their best days, writers all over the world are winning Pulitzers, all alone in their studios, with no one watching.

It's more important to get along with people than to get ahead of them.

This was the most emotional title of my career. I was the youngest champion, and now I'm the oldest.

I want to win every single tournament because I know I can do it.

Hands make the world each day.