Don't compare yourself with someone else's version of happy or thin. Accepting yourself burns the most calories.

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date.

I constantly walk into a room and I don't remember why. But for some reason, I think there's going to be a clue in the fridge.

I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had 3 eggs... but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.

I always feel slightly sorry to be the voice of whatever I'm experiencing.

I'd like a pop-up magazine with 45 articles on Russell Crowe. I'm like a teenager. I'd have 'Teen Beat' if I could, for grown-ups.

Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it's a second language.

I grew up thinking that if I wanted to go be prime minister, I could.

I always like to think I'm having a dinner party, and I'm the host, and the audience are my guests.

I was just the youngest in the family, and most in desperate need of attention.

The Delta agent saw my itinerary and said, 'You’re flying to Jakarta via Atlanta, Frankfurt, Amsterdam, Bangkok and Kuala Lumpur? You must have really pissed off your travel agent.

If Froi understood anything, it was that in this world one's worth came from others.

Only in the last moment in history has the delusion arisen that people can flourish apart from the rest of the living world.

Reality is nothing more than a collective hunch.

So much are our minds influenced by the accidents of our bodies, that every man is more the man of the day than a regular and consequential character.

An awful lot has been written about my temper.

Whether we like it or not, men and women are not the same in nature, temperament, emotions and emotional responses.

Wherever a beautiful soul has been there is a trail of beautiful memories.

Crowns in my purse I have, and goods at home, And so am come abroad to see the world.

When we make a mistake, it becomes front-page news. We don't need any reporter telling us how badly we played.