Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Most geniuses are geniuses because of the way they manage their natural talents. He was one because of the way he took advantage of the world's defects.-pg 129

Rampaging horsemen can conquer

If you want a forgotten corner to be remembered, a featureless place to be loved, a shadowy emptiness to shine, put some flowers there!

Trust me. Sometimes God comes down and puts his hand on you if you're too big in your thoughts.

The earth is bread we take and eat.

We must introduce a new balance in the relationship between the individual and the government--a balance that favors greater individual freedom and self-reliance.

My vocal ability is very limited, but I'm fortunate in that I can write the songs around my vocal limitations.

Real success is gaining the ability to face situations in life with maturity.

Everyone is a comedy. If people are laughing at you, they just don't quite understand the joke that is themselves.

We must struggle for our dreams, but when certain paths prove impossible, it would be best to save our energies in order to travel other roads.