Don't even FRONT like you love your family, America, or God, if you don't have a DETAILED & REHEARSED Black Friday tactical shopping plan.

Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire.

Cats probably wouldn't need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn't smoke cigarettes.

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo.

I can't 'make' you love me. But I can fill my pantry with your favourite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.

I think your ambition for something changes as you go.

It's hard for me to get embarrassed, but the things that do embarrass me would be if anybody ever heard my wife and I talking in our robust, made-up language.

On stage, I'm me. I'm a husband, I'm a dad, I'm a guy, I'm a mess - but I am a cohesive thing that you recognize as one human entity saying these things that he generally believes.

It's a good idea to have a break, to let your mind rest and so you can start to cultivate ideas.

It makes me sad that corporations and media and Hollywood conspire to make people feel terrible about their bodies from the second they wake up ,so I sort of try to subversively undercut that.

I always made people laugh until they cry.But I always cried when I miss you till I die.

The learned tradition is not concerned with truth, but with the learned adjustment of learned statements of antecedent learned people.

It is not for us . . . to send out missionaries to foreign peoples; it is our task to build up our own Western culture.

I will appoint an attorney general who will reform the Department of Justice like it was necessary after Watergate.

Sometimes all you need is just for somebody to believe in you in order to be able to accomplish maybe what you never thought you could.

I want to be honest, and even if that's scary, I know it's worth it.

Is it treason to say the truth? A bitter truth, but no less true for that.

Don't depend on other people as the source of your happiness or for approval.

I wanted to act, dance and perform more than anything, and I wanted to do it for the rest of my life.

Paradise is for those who make paradise.