Don't ever have two dogs. That way you won't know which one to blame.

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun.

I love portraying the totally indifferent person.

I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail.

It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

I still feel thirty, except when I try to run.

A life I didn't choose chose me.

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

If we don't control our schedule - our schedule will control us. If we don't find a way to live a balanced life -our lives will get out of balance.

I am not the Jesus of the official church tolerated by those in power. I am not your superstar.

Like any good spy novel, the Cox Report alleges that Chinese spies penetrated four U.S. weapons research labs and stole important information on seven nuclear warhead designs.

We call a thing big or little with reference to what it is wont to be, as we speak of a small elephant or a big rat.

There are three things in this world that will survive a nuclear explosion: Twinkies, cockroaches and Dean Ambroses.

There is not Communism or Marxism, but representative democracy and social justice in a well-planned economy.

No one is such a liar as the indignant man.