Don't ever use duct tape on your privates. That's what I always tell people.

Bigfoot loves celebrities. You just have to bring celebrities that Bigfoot loves. It would probably be just gorgeous women.

I would host a show where I take famous people out into the woods every week to find Bigfoot. I would do that. And you know what? We would find him in like a week.

When you're expecting a baby, there's a lot you can plan for, but when it happens early you just have to jump into it. Whatever plans you had, everything goes out the window.

You know the awkward class photo when you're sitting there for your school picture and you're 14 or something and you've got braces, and you don't know how to smile, and you've got a hard-on.

I've stolen a lot. Let me think about the best thing I've stolen. Stolen a lot of hearts.

One of the coolest things was that, in 2007, I got to go to Iraq with Rob Riggle, Paul Scheer, and Horatio Sanz. We went over there to do some comedy shows with the U.S.O.

Most monuments are not something you're going to keep me out of. And I go to a lot of monuments.

People always say, "When did you know you were funny?" They don't mean that in a bad way - this already makes me sound like such a jerk.

I've seen Jaws [movie], like, 800 times. And I love it.

That's a weird way to torture yourself. Just watch a movie, over and over, that you hate. That's really funny - that's probably exactly what hell is like.

I know that some nightin some bedroomsoonmy fingers willriftthroughsoft cleanhairsongs such as no radioplaysall sadness, grinninginto flow.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

The only thing I'm allergic to is criticism.

A man's duty? To be ready -- with rifle or rood -- to defend his home when the showdown comes.

To me it seems that liberty and virtue were made for each other. If any man wish to enslave his country, nothing is a fitter preparative than vice; and nothing leads to vice so surely as irreligion.

The combination of creative energies and the need to perform at the highest level to keep up with peers leads to an otherwise unattainable commitment to excellence.

I always love being in the company of women. It's all about good conversation and great wine.

Now I've probably got to be more aggressive and pick up where [Marbury] left off, but I'm just going to take it how it comes. I'm not going to force it. I'm going to let the game come to me.

I'll tell you what I probably would prefer to happen less and less: actors that I know and respect in shampoo ads. Or modeling.

The borders and boundaries of hip-hop have been broken all over the world. There's a great scene everywhere you go.