Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

One eye is open to all truth, the other closed to all deception.

Achievement results from work realizing ambition.

If we didn't have Nico [Rosberg] and Lewis [Hamilton] in those cars - there's one or two guys down the field who in those cars would have delivered the same.

The prophet Zechariah warns that any nation that touches Jerusalem will be cut off.

There is probably an innate masochism in a lot of women that ends up disappointed if men don't ill-treat them.

How beautiful is sunset when the glow Of Heaven descends upon a land like thee, Thou Paradise of exiles, Italy!

Fish cannot carry guns.

We learn from here the humility of the Holy One, Blessed is He. Since man is in the likeness of the angels, and they would be jealous of him, for this reason, He consulted them.

I have no interest in directing. I've no talent for it.

When I'm out there, I don't think about anything. I just grip it and rip it. I don't like to worry about technique.