Don’t get me wrong. Being a mom is no picnic. Raising the kids is the mother’s responsibility. It’s a thankless, solitary job, like sheriff or Pope.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

...sadness is a powerful foe, maybe harder to keep down than happiness...

The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives.

To love means to give, and to give means to build, while to hate is to destroy.

If you sit down with me, I guarantee I will accept any terms you offer for a contract.

Believe and be confirmed.

Nokia was number one for 14 years and still has the chance to be so again.

Clearly it was time to consider rescheduling that optometrist appointment I'd missed last fall.

Follow your heart because it always knows.

Don't let the difficulty of actually achieving a shot make you think that the shot is good.

In a word, we owe obedience to the bishops in all things pertaining to our work in the missions, with ordinands, etc., but the spiritual and internal direction belongs to the Superior General.