Don't knock the weather nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

I am that last, thatfinal thing, the bodyin a white sheet listening,

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

Every man is a creative cause of what happens, a primum mobile with an original movement.

Wisdom is partly innate and partly developed and practised. It's about a lot more than just knowledge: experience, involvement, communication, interaction with people. Wisdom is a way of being.

Doesn't every kid want to dig a hold to China? Didn't you? What about Chinese children?

I love thongs. The day they were invented, sunshine broke through the clouds.

If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.

I have seen and endured the sufferings of the troops, and I can no longer be a party to prolong these sufferings for ends which I believe to be evil and unjust.

Brother says he's telling about you playing Doctor with that girl.

Mem'ry All alone in the moonlight I can smile at the old days Life was beautiful then.