Don't lie,Tell one lie,then you gotta tell another lie to compound on the first.

All you have to do is recognize an opportunity.

Don't worry,don't worry.Look at the Astors and the Vanderbilts,all those big society people.They were the worst thieves-and now look at them.It's just a matter of time.

Always overpay your taxes.That way you'll get a refund.

A newspaper man wrote an article that I had 300 million dollars, well, I wish I had a million dollars

All pro sports, as well as the NCAA, should thank God every day we have sports betting here... We have the only agency in the world that regulates the honesty of games.

If you simply love the Universe, the Universe can't help but love you straight back!

Imagine waking up one morning and finding a piece of yourself you didn't even know existed.

Don't think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire.

Make sure you're doing impressions of people that are still relevant, and that everyone knows. Red Skelton impressions are a little outdated.

Mankind is made up of inconsistencies, and no man acts invariably up to his predominant character. The wisest man sometimes acts weakly, and the weakest sometimes wisely.

Babies have much higher levels of stress in childcare.

I don't have a day job, so I read any time of day.

All you earnest young men out to save the world. . . please, have a laugh.

I like me food. I also don't like me exercising. It's something me don't do very well. But it's something I've got to get into.

Britain is A world by itself, and we will nothing pay For wearing our own noses.