Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Like many people who became sick, I found that researching man-made radiation immersed me into a corporate world of lie, confuse and deny.

What's going on?" I asked when he finished."I'll let you know soon. For now, we have to wait.""Great. My favorite thing to do.

The injunction that we should love our neighbors as ourselves means to us equally that we should love ourselves as we love our neighbors.

I only read a book if I feel intuitively led to read it.

When your enemy is doing something wrong, do not interrupt him.

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

I like the idea that people get engaged thinking about design, about creativity. I don't see how it could possibly be bad.

People wander about what you are pursuing. You have to explain about the thread.