Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

An ugly voice repels me where an ugly face would not.

John Arne Riise was deservedly blown up for that foul

If someone is talking to you and tells you that you ought to do something, and you can tell they mean it, those are the scary people. Those are the people you want to watch out for.

I would be very proud if, one day, I'm held in the same esteem as George Best or Beckham. It's what I'm working hard towards.

My life style in a sense is kind of private.

The holiness of love inspired ordinary men and women to act like angels. It lifted them on wings closer to God.

The path that we are headed on economically in America is one that leads to total ruination of the American system.

Blondes have the hottest kisses. Red-heads are fair-to-middling torrid, and brunettes are the frigidest of all. It's something to do with hormones, no doubt.

Do right and risk the consequences.

I'm thinking, I'm singing like Ozzy Osbourne, but I don't sound like him enough, ever.