Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I were in a situation where I had to be, like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' - no problem.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

All my memories are things I gave away, traded for new days after days after days...

Shh! It happens. Sh!it happens.

What is yours is yours

Gods, like men, can die. They just die harder, and smite the earth with their passing.

It's all papers and forms, the entire Civil Service is like a fortress made of papers, forms and red tape.

The love of praise, howe'er conceal'd by art, Reigns more or less, and glows in ev'ry heart.

Chemistry has been termed by the physicist as the messy part of physics, but that is no reason why the physicists should be permitted to make a mess of chemistry when they invade it.

I have a weird life because I live on songwriting royalties, which are a strange income. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it doesn't.

I don't think I'm very cool as a person. I'm just better than anyone else at acting cool.

I felt sure about wanting to look at a person's life that had been limited or damaged, but not necessarily ennobled, by loss.