Don't work out, work in.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Act, not for results, just for action.Give, not for appreciation, just to help.Be kind, not for something in return, just to love.

Things don't happen for a reason, we make reasons out of things that happen.

Read to lead in order to succeed.

Alcohol makes the nobleman into a feeble man.

One never reaches home, but wherever friendly paths intersect the whole world looks like home for a time.

I was an only child. I hung out with my parents.

Only one golfer in a thousand grips the club lightly enough.

I don't take part in it the way I used to-the bimbos, the free beers, free drugs, all that. That's still there if you want it, but I don't really seek that out any more.

I have a wife, I have sons: all of them hostages given to fate.

What is surprising is not that oppression should make its appearance only after higher forms of economy have been reached, but that it should always accompany them.