Donald Trump announced today he is running for president of the United States. Traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.

The height of your achievements is determined by the depth of your self-belief, the strength of your resolve and the intensity of your efforts.

A recipe is a story with a happy ending.

Mankind spends much more on training pilots of aircraft than it does to train the nuclear reactor operators.

Experience really does make you better, man.

All along the line, physically, mentally, morally, alcohol is a weakening and deadening force.

The world had taken a deep breath and was having doubts about continuing to revolve.

I couldn't see who swam in the darkness, who wore shadows like a second skin.

All front-line combat jobs in the infantry, special operations units and elsewhere are now open to women.

People look at me and they dont see what they think is a typical Aboriginal.