Donald Trump just announced that if Republicans don't treat him fairly, he will resurrect the Whig party and run as its hair apparent.

What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.

Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?

Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?

If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.

Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.

Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.

It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

You get diminishing returns when you are restricted to your comfort zone

Cowardice is the most terrible of vices.

Beauty comes from a life well lived. If you've lived well, your smile lines are in the right places, and your frown lines aren't too bad, what more do you need?

The dynamic between two individuals starts off with everything warm and nice and fabulous and good. Working and living together can serve you quite well, but when it starts to go wrong - oh, boy!

The sweets of pillage can be known To no one but the thief, Compassion for integrity Is his divinest grief.

Reach up as far as you can, and God will reach down all the way.

We will K‘Vruck the world.

To be vested with enormous authority is a fine thing; but to have the on-looking world consent to it is finer.

In middle age, I practiced feeling old, but the real thing has been a rude surprise.

The greatest of all mistakes is to do nothing because you think you can only do a little.