Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner!

You are what you eat. What would YOU like to be?

It is insufficient to understand all, and thus to forgive all. If we were to truly understand, we would know there is nothing to forgive.

Education is the leading of human souls to what is best, and making what is best out of them.

Austere perseverance, hash and continuous... rarely fails of its purpose, for its silent power grows irresistible greater with time.

She's perfect, so flawless, I'm not impressed.

I'll be a Houston Astro no matter what ... I would certainly want to leave myself open to a return to the team if that made sense for the organization and for me as well.

Persistence is the twin sister of excellence. One is a matter of quality; the other, a matter of time.

I loved having my baby inside of me, but I was very happy when he was finally here.

The real problem with stories - if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death.

I know you've been trying to get a hold of me, but I can barely get a hold of myself