Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible

The cold is lonely person's way of feeling alone and death

In business, if you want to make money, you have to spend money. If you want to have a result, you have to make an investment.

Flying is more than a sport and more than a job; flying is pure passion and desire, which fill a lifetime.

This sounds crazy, but my goal is to be nominated for an Oscar. I was the kid who was practicing my acceptance speech when I was ten.

Wars can destroy everything but hope!

Violence never settles anything should be debated by the ghosts of Hitler and Stalin, with the city fathers of Carthage as referees.

You can't hold someone accountable for results if you supervise their methods.

And it is certain that those who do not yield to their equals, who keep terms with their superiors, and are moderate towards their inferiors, on the whole succeed best.

I dont want to be someone in my sixties holding on to a group that I created when I was in my twenties.