Drinking again? Go to hell. All I ever do is make some movies that made a lot of money now leave me alone, I want to have some fun.

People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I'm a nut, but not just a nut.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.

The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism

They said they would rather be outlaws a year in Sherwood Forest than President of the United States forever.

I get a kick out of cursing people for life on Sundays.

"My only problem with women breastfeeding in public is they never wink back." It's kind of the perfect joke because it's a bait and switch.

You emerge from tragedy equipped against lies. After the musical, you're anybody's fool

No one becomes pure and selfless overnight; it involves time and concentrated effort, coupled with tremendous patience and love.

I firmly believe lyrics have to breathe and give the audience's ear a chance to understand what's going on. Particularly in the theater, where you have costume, story, acting, orchestra.

The world is a funny paper read backwards. And that way it isn't so funny.

The gods look in pleasure on penitent sinners.

Multiculturalists argue that different cultural values are morally equivalent. That's nonsense.