Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!

You're miserable, edgy and tired. You're in the perfect mood for journalism.

Scotch whisky is made from barley and the morning dew on angel's nipples.

If you believe that your thoughts originate inside your brain, do you also believe that television shows are made inside your television set?

Read comics. All comics. And then cut them open to steal their power.

I want a tattoo over my heart that reads TRY HARDER YOU LAZY PARAMEDIC SHITBAG OR I WILL HAUNT YOUR BEDROOM FOREVER

That means that the universe is two-dimensional. Matter, energy, time, you, me and the floor are holograms.

The single simplest reason why human space flight is necessary is this, stated as plainly as possible: keeping all your breeding pairs in one place is a retarded way to run a species.

Wolves ate even mighty hunters, for there was no honor or code among predators, and everyone's guts steam the same way when torn open on a cold night.

What if I left my memory in the future and I have to catch up to it?

Writing is basically a job for people who like punching themselves in the face, I’m pretty sure.

There’s merit in being different, inspiration in being individual, courage in being unique, and freedom in being yourself.

I do so love hearing people speak passionately on any subject, other than themselves.

Good friends will share the umbrella. Best friends will steal it and yell: It’s Awesome, Now Run!

We've got to stand with our North Korean allies.

I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.

Idleness is hells fishhook for catching souls.

Life is tragic simply because the earth turns and the sun inexorably rises and sets, and one day, for each of us, the sun will go down for the last, last time.

Time draweth wrinkles in a fair face, but addeth fresh colors to a fast friend.

Strength and skill are happy comrades.

Of particular importance to us is the recognition... that what we want is a Europe of nations, not a federal super-state.