Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

I am choosing to flow with the current of life rather than lying in a tide pool experiencing the same things again and again.

Biogeography typically trumps taxonomy and anticipates molecular phylogeny

We don't understand why we're here, no one's giving us an answer, religion is vague, your parents can't help because they're just people, and it's all terrible, and there's no meaning to anything.

I think anything is possible if you have the mindset and the will and desire to do it and put the time in.

I'm a strong man, and usually I get over hurts and it makes me stronger when I come back.

Dark sides are important. They should be nurtured like nasty black orchids.

You go beyond 'I want it. I want to have it' - to - 'I'm going to have it

I have six times as many Twitter followers as all the other candidates combined, but it didn't count because if it counted I'd still be a candidate; since I can't be a candidate that can't count.

Pakistan will never be able to match the Indian militarily and the effort to do so is taking an immense toll on the society. It's also extremely dangerous with all the weapons development.

. . . And some people sing and dance.