During a heat wave every dude stinks.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

Theres nothing to fear but fears themselves, such as monsters, rejection, food poisoning, redundancy, monsters, and oxford commas.

Every morning I wake up and thank God that I don't believe in him.

Whatever you dream of doing one day, don't give up on that dream because you never know where it can take you.

Proper preparation is the key to our success. Our acts can be no wiser than our thoughts. Our thinking can be no wiser than our understanding.

When youre touring and the minute you tell someone that youre from Jersey its the equivalent of telling them you just got out of jail.

It seems that laughter needs an echo.

From out of pain, beauty.

Time to the face the music.

When life is unhappy it is hard to endure, when it is happy it is terrible to think of it ending. Both amount to the same thing in the end.

It is not about painting life, it is about making painting alive.

Everything else you see and experience in this world is effect, and that includes your feelings. The cause is always your thoughts.