Dying is the last thing I will ever do.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

The world knows nothing of you. That is my gift to you. You are no one.

When you win a race your on top that day, so take it for what its worth, have a good time and party, cause the next day when you get out of bed, the meter goes back to zero again.

Chelsea are not made to play football. We're good on the counter, a little bit like Real against Bayern.

I was born a premature birth. My first words were "bleep, bleep" and "Curse, Curse" My breath still stinks and I'm on my 3rd cert.

Women are aristocrats, and it is always the mother who makes us feel that we belong to the better sort.

Sweeney: I can just see all you tough young soldiers cuddling together. Richard: Not cuddling, huddling. There's a difference.

An overheating economy, characterized by accelerating inflation and rising interest rates, is another precondition for recession. This doesn't describe today's economy.

My favorite photograph, is the one I will take tomorrow.

The best thing for a man to do is to be born and, being born, to die at once.

Women and their bodies are beautiful. Men are always gonna want to follow them around.