EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

A life spent at the edge of the pier is a life full of regret, a life full of fear.

Let your hands be clean

Sometimes you need to know to quit while you're ahead or at least before things get much worse!

The words you say never live up to the words in your head.

Scientists believe that the universe is made of hydrogen because they claim it's the most plentiful ingredient. I claim that the most plentiful ingredient is stupidity.

Asian girls are so natural and beautiful. I guess they don't like to wear make up

Wake up and ponder the future

I'm alright, nobody worry about me. Why you gotta gimme a fight? Can't you just let it be.

No, I don't harbor any mystical ideas about writing, Your Honor, it's work like any other kind of craft; the power of literature, I've always thought, lies in how willful the act of making it is.

If I have committed any culinary atrocities, please forgive me.