ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

It is the same way with dating. The time you are most prepared for dating is when you don't need anyone to complete you, fulfill you, or instill in you a sense of worth or purpose.

Be content with what you are and wish not change not dread your last day not long for it.

When you're unhappy in your marriage, your children are the ones who suffer.

Rudeness is better than any argument; it totally eclipses intellect.

The words we speak to each other should leave stretch marks, not bruises. Love is always picky about what it says.

Passing is your best weapon against man to man. Dribble penetration is your best weapon against zone.

The meaning of life is happiness.

The love between dog and man is idyllic, dogs were never expelled from paradise.

I have a genuine love affair with my audience. When I'm on stage they're not privileged to see me. It's a privilege for me to see them.

We should never allow presentation to become a casualty of method.