EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Love is the soul food!

I just continue to be myself and give this thing over to the good lord, just do my best every night and pretend like it's just any other job.

What is a left-wing socialist but a Marxist without a gun?

The past is the present, isn’t it? It’s the future too.

Nothing is more honest than a dream.

When I look at my parents I'm like, 'This is easy. Staying together for 35 years? How hard is that?' They're like, 'Very hard.

If we fail to adapt, we fail to move forward.

There's a practical problem about time and energy, and a more subtle problem of what it does to a writer's head, to continually analyze why they write, where it all comes from, where it's going to.

My mom was never afraid to say, 'I'm sorry. I screwed up.' I feel like that's an important lesson.

The Stately Homes of England, How beautiful they stand, To prove the Upper Classes, Have still the Upper Hand.