Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

The individual who says it is not possible should move out of the way of those doing it.

Live with style and passion

We are bound to meet wrong things for wrong things are bound to meet us but, when things go wrong, don't be wrong, let things be wrong

I think every job that I've done to this point has had something new to challenge me.

Good novels are not written by orthodoxy-sniffers, nor by people who are conscience-stricken about their own unorthodoxy. Good novels are written by people who are not frightened.

What silence rules the ghostly hours That guard the close of human sleep!

[A ruler is merely] the trustee of the rights of other men and he must always stand in dread of having in some way violated these rights.

I don't believe that artists really are interested in money. That's not the motivation for art.

We all survive more than we think we can.

Darling, the legs aren't so beautiful, I just know what to do with them.