Earlier tonight the second Republican debate took place here in California. With 10 men and only one woman, everyone thought they were watching 'The Bachelorette.'

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Never stop screaming, playing and laughing, it's part of our childhood wich will always be with us.

Divorce has taught us how to sleep with friends, sleep with enemies, and then act like it's all perfectly normal in the morning.

Should one name one central concept, a first principle, of cybernetics, it would be circularity.

People do stupid things in the heat of the moment. I've been in Vegas where I've gotten married for, like, five minutes.

"What greater gift can we offer the republic than to teach and instruct our youth?"

Your money, or your life. We know what to do when a burglar makes this demand of us, but not when God does.

We still believe in the America that is a land of opportunity and a beacon of freedom. We believe in the America that challenges each of us to be better and bigger than ourselves.

each separate flower has a magic all its own.

We need not stride resolutely towards catastrophe, merely because those are the marching orders.

I had strong legs that would have made me a good sumo wrestler and I used that to my advantage, but my home runs were achieved by technique.