Early on when I started talking about my weight, it was self-deprecating; everything was a joke.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.

Here's a tip for new parents: Start lowering those expectations early, it's going to pay off later.

I'm so an all-or-nothing person in dating, always. I'm big on not wasting time. And so, yeah, if something's not working, it's time to not hold people back.

My God! My God! What will the country say?

After about 30 minutes I puked all over my airplane. I said to my self, "Man, you made a big mistake."

...blessed be the heart who finds its way to the eternal summer. [...to the realisation of eternal gratitude that things aren't worse, because they always can be!]

What's the Use of Getting Sober (When You Gonna Get Drunk Again)

Scars are but evidence of life.

My father was a sergeant with the Connecticut state police. My mother was a hairstylist.

In Britain the power of authority was weakened. There was much more individual freedom and there was great academic freedom.