Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

The entire time Albie followed Beverly around the house doing what the children referred to as “the stripper soundtra

I could have run after him. I could have asked politely for some clarification. But I didn’t I knew what I preferred, and that was—I didn’t want to know. Rather, I wanted to believe.

There are some fights none of us can win.

When there's so much left to do, why spend your time focusing on things you've already done, counting trophies or telling stories about the good old days?

Your fear is the most boring thing about you.

The work of your heart, the work of taking time, to listen, to help, is also your gift to the whole of the world

Imprisoned professors taught imprisoned students free theology.

There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.

Do not forget that true love sets no conditions; it does not calculate or complain, but simply loves.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia.