Egypt is in the second day of angry street protests. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is calling for calm. Because nothing calms an enraged Arab country like a powerful woman ordering it around.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

When no one is looking, I swallow deserts and cloudsand chew on mountainsknowing they are sweet bones!When no one is lookingand I want to kiss God, I just lift my own hand to my mouth.

On bad days you wonder, ‘Why not just back off from the war and lead a quiet metalife?

My whole thing is, if you love me, then love me. If you don't, then believe what you hear and run with that.

Even your religious friends do not want to hear about God during a medical diagnosis.

I'm always interested in finding the new trend. If you love pizza every day, after 22 years of eating pizza, you want to try sushi.

Empires won by conquest have always fallen either by revolt within or by defeat by a rival.

He invades authors like a monarch; and what would be theft in other poets is only victory in him.

I would like my books to stand as a tool to unbind children from expectations of poetry because it should free the child to self-expression and exploration.

My life is more important. At this point in my life I'm alone. I don't think about it a lot.

To me, being a gangster was better than being President of the United States.